When will I sleep through the night?

When will I sleep through the night?  A loaded question often asked in the head of sleep deprived parents everywhere.  In the early days after birth we may be fueled by sheer adrenaline.  In the following days however, you run out of gas, and sleep deprivation can hit hard.  So how do we maximize the most amount of sleep possible?  Simply put, it means doing what works best for you and your family to obtain optimal sleep.  There are so many factors that contribute or affect how much, how little, or how often we sleep.  Not everyone exclusively breastfeeds their baby, just like not everyone formula or bottle feeds their baby.  Just as we are all different people, so are our babies.  They all have different needs and preferences.  Here are some tips to finding what works for you.

Team Work

Working as a team, where you tag in and out, can help spread out the load.  The nursing parent can wake strictly to nurse, while the other focuses on diaper changes, burping and settling baby back to sleep.  It is natural for babies to need some soothing techniques to help them transition back to sleep, or help to connect the sleep cycles. Personalities play into this as well.  Some people are night owls while others thrive in the early hours of the day.  These will be factors to consider when deciding the best ways for everyone to get the most optimal amount of sleep possible.  Having a planned schedule of wake up routines for each parent is particularly crucial for babies who are bottle fed.  Be honest with each other and come up with a plan that is beneficial to everyone.  Know that things will change over time and adjustments to routines may change at some point, sometimes more quickly than expected over the first few months.

Safety

Anxiety around sleep and safety can often be a source of little sleep for new parents.  Anxiety can be the result of past experiences, birth experience or early postpartum concerns, etc.  One of those anxiety inducing topics is bed-sharing (sleeping in bed sharing the same surface as your baby).  A controversial topic for sure, but it is much safer to prepare to bed share, even if just in case of emergencies, then falling asleep with the baby while sitting in a chair or on the couch.  Following the safe sleep seven guidelines and the safe surface checklist, are a few steps to make this happen and ease any fears surrounding it.

If a baby is exclusively breastfed, a nursing parent wakes to feed when the baby is hungry, therefore, typically gets less sleep.  Ways to help increase sleep in this type of situation would be to nurse in the side-lying position so both of you are in a relaxed and sleepy state during the feed.  It is natural to then drift back off to sleep once the feeding session is finished.  This occurs with less interruption and awake time when bed sharing, and applies to babies that are bottle fed as well.

Products and gimmicks also have a similar story.  Just like with the use of any product and method, if you follow the guidelines and lessen and/or remove the risks, the benefits can be far reaching.  Therefore, if you sleep better with your baby then bed share, if you’re more comfortable with them in their own space then room share, if being monitored will ease fears use a baby monitor and/or the owlet sock, if baby needs motion to sleep try the Snoo.  The use of any method or product you choose to help make sleep more successful is success in my book.  (The products mentioned are done solely for example purposes.)  When you are well rested you are better able to care for yourself, and therefore your baby as well.

Balance

Easier said than done, but we need to find the right balance to maximize sleep/rest/recovery, eating/hydration, and all the other chores that need to be accomplished in a day, all the while doing the 24/7 caring for a newborn.  If you are lucky enough to have the support of family, friends, and/or a postpartum doula, then saving the everyday mundane tasks of dishes, laundry, meal prep, tidying up, and organization for them to assist with will help balance things out.  If you need to manage these tasks on your own, take solace in knowing life will look a little different.  It’s ok to simply let things be as they are for now.  Give yourself time and space to know it will get done eventually but other responsibilities take priority now and that’s ok.  If you are having guests visit, they shouldn’t expect to walk into a clean house with well rested parents.  In fact, leaving a list of everyday chores you need help with up on the fridge is a perfect way to ask for help without needing to delegate.  When people ask what you need, let them know you have a list on the fridge and to pick something from the list that is most helpful in the moment.  On those days where visitors may be dropping items off instead of staying, be honest in what your current needs might be.  In the early weeks give yourself the space needed to take care of yourselves, and reserve visits for those who will provide help.  Plan visits for guests who need to be entertained later.  Also, keeping a time frame open, instead of planning a visit for a specific time, gives you the flexibility to alter it to fit your sleep needs.

Babies have Preferences Too

Once you have figured out a plan of action to maximize sleep and it is working to everyone’s benefit, a wrench can be thrown in at any time.  Just as there are factors that affect our sleep patterns and cycles, the same happens for babies as well.  A few examples are growth spurts, sickness, and teething.  As babies get older it may be nightmares or being afraid of the dark. What I do know is, we are their best medicine.  As I laid in my 6-year-olds bed this morning at 1:45am, I was what he needed to feel safe and comforted to fall back to sleep after waking up from a bad dream.  Even though I thought he was back asleep, and I returned to my bed, I was quickly back with him again to make sure he stayed asleep this time.  By the time I was back to sleep it was likely 3:30am. As a parent the need to be available for our children 24/7 does not stop as they get older, they will ALWAYS need us, especially when it comes to sleep.  My 6 year old still likes me to lay with him while he falls asleep, and my oldest who is 10, still wants me to check on him.  As their parents we are their source of calm, comfort and love, making for a better nights sleep for them.

So maybe the simple answer to the question of when you will sleep through the night is that the answer is different for everyone.  From day one our kiddos will always need us, continuing on as they get older, but what works for you may not be what works for someone else.  You will eventually figure out what’s best for you and your family, but there is no one answer for all.